a new 10k PR

On Sunday, April 6, I ran only my second 10k.  I've decided really love this distance and want to find more 10k's to run asap.  I'm pretty sure about an hour after the race I was already saying I want to run another one NOW.  I had been looking forward to this race because I ran it last year and, in all honesty, I was excited to try to beat my time.  I had a pretty disastrous first race  of 2014, so I was ready for redemption.  Training had been feeling much stronger lately than at the start of the year, and I was ready to give it my all.

The race didn't start until 1pm.  It's always strange not racing first thing in the morning, but I enjoyed knowing I could sleep without an alarm set, and being able to take my time getting ready.  Plus an added bonus was that my super speedy friend, Monica, on the west coast was also running a 10k that started at 10am.

10am west coast = 1pm east coast.  Perfect!

Sunday morning started just like any other race morning.  Get up, make coffee, make Nuun, sit on the couch, drink said coffee and Nuun, catch up on twitter, make breakfast consisting of a gluten free bagel w/ peanut butter, nutella, and a banana on top, sit on the couch some more, stretch, foam roll, and make multiple bathroom trips in between.  Around 11:45 I was ready to head to race with my chauffeur and head cheerleader, Ryan. 

<3

We headed out the door with what I thought was everything I needed.  I made the comment, I need to be there by 12:30 to get my number so...uh...step on it.  A few minutes later it hit me.  I forgot my watch.  Cue freakout.  OMG I forgot my watch, I need my watch, what am I going to do, tears, AHH.  Ryan was on it, we got off the highway, banged a u-turn and were on our way back.  I grabbed my watch and we were on our way again.  Deep breaths.  Ryan helped me calm down and refocus.  Everything would be fine.

We got to the race at exactly 12:30.  Ryan dropped me off so I could grab my number and he went to park the car.  I got my number, found Ryan, and had plenty of time to spare.  Few.  My mom and brother also came down to cheer me on.  We found them and it was time to go shortly after.  I lined up somewhere between the front and the middle of the pack.  There was a 5k and 10k option for this race (as well as walkers), so I was trying to decide where to go so I could pace myself for the 10k but also not get trapped somewhere in the back.  

 being weird as usual

I was really hoping to finish this race under 49 min.  I felt like I was capable (and still do).  I started out strong and on pace to finish where I had hoped.  I felt strong through the first half and was ready to fight for it.  Unfortunately, the last mile decided to give me a good kick in the butt.  The wind was strong and the hills slowly wore me down.  

Mile 1: 7:44

Mile 2: 7:50

Mile 3: 8:02

Mile 4: 7:56

Mile 5: 8:02

Mile 6: 8:16

Last 0.2: no idea, I forgot to stop my watch when I crossed finish line.  This is becoming a bad habit. 

I crossed the finish line at 49:32.  I didn't break 49 that day, but I did finish with a new PR.  

I think it's easier to be disappointed with yourself than it is to be proud.  Initially was I disappointed?  Sure.  I so wanted to cross that finish line and see 48:xx.  But I didn't.  Instead I saw 49:32, which was 17 seconds fast than last year.  Yes, I wanted more, but ultimately I wanted to run faster than I did last year, and I did.  I am proud of myself for that.  I am making progress, and I know I still have the potential to run faster.  

Some take aways from Sunday: 

• I didn't give up.  There was more than one time in that last mile or so that I wanted to stop.  I wanted to walk.  I was hurting.  Bad.  I didn't stop, I didn't give up, and I didn't walk.  I didn't finish it as fast as I had hoped, but I kept pushing even though I was in pain.  That in itself is a huge accomplishment for me. 
• I am not exactly in what I would consider the best shape.  I put on some lbs over the winter months that I am still struggling to get rid of.  Even with the added weight, I still managed to run faster than I did last year.
• Training over the past couple months has exactly been all rainbows and butterflies.  Only in the past few weeks have I really started to feel like myself again, which gives me hope that more good things are to come.  
• My average pace was 7:59.  If you had told me a year ago I would be running races of any distance with an average pace of 7:xx I probably wouldn't have believed you.  Now, my 5k and 10k PR average paces are under 8 min/mile.    
• I experienced a runners high on Sunday like I haven't felt in a while.  I walked away saying I love running and feeling like my race fire was re-ignited.  I felt like over the winter I lost it a little, but with the return of the warmer sunshine and a better race under my belt, my confidence and drive have been restored.

Most importantly, I must always remember this quote from Kara Goucher that I love so much and holds very true in this case.  "Don't try to rush progress.  Remember - a step forward, no matter how small, is a step in the right direction.  Keep believing."  

I am making progress, and I will keep believing that I can do great things.  

  

updates on training and life

Is it spring yet?  I guess technically it is, but it certainly doesn't feel like it yet on the east coast.  I know many people are with me when I say I am craving some warm sunshine ASAP.  This winter has really been testing my patience.

C'mon sun, please melt the snow and ice

Despite the relentless winter weather, I've still managed to get most of my runs done outside.  Most days I would still rather run in the cold than run on the treadmill.  I've been feeling some fatigue in my legs that doesn't seem to want to let up, but I've still managed to get through my runs and hit my paces.

Here's what last week's training looked like:

Monday: Rest

Tuesday: 12 x 100m on, 100m off @ 5k pace (7:00 min average) with 15 minute warm up and cool down

Wednesday: 40 min easy

Thursday: 2 sets of 1000 (HMP), 800 (10k pace), 600 (5k pace), 400 (mile pace) with 3 min jog recovery in between everything and 15 minute warm up and 10 min cool down.  My paces looked like this - 1st set: 7:59, 7:49, 7:14, 7:01 2nd set: 8:04, 7:49, 7:11, 6:49.  I was really happy with this work out.

Friday: Rest

Saturday: I was supposed to do 35-40 min easy and 4 x 100m strides.  My legs felt tired and my butt was super tight.  I felt off.  I ran 35 min easy and only did 2 strides.  I wrote it off to lack of sleep the night before after working until midnight, followed by lots of tossing and turning all night.   

Sunday:  15-16 miles on hilly terrain.  I was a little nervous for this run since Saturday didn't go quite as planned.  I mapped out a hilly route, and went on my way.  To my surprise, I felt much better than expected and enjoyed the views at the top of my climb.  15 hilly miles done. 

hills hurt, but the views sure don't

Some pretty exciting, non running related news, is that Ryan and I are moving.  He was offered a job he couldn't pass up in Boston, so come June we'll be packing up and heading to the city.  I lived in Boston a few years ago, for a couple of years, and have always loved the city of Boston.  I am so very excited to go back.  This weekend we're going down to look at an apartment and do some exploring.  I'm very fortunate in that my job will allow me to transfer to another clinic closer to where we'll be moving.  I've been feeling a little trapped in the small town we live in now, so I am really looking forward to this new adventure, complete with many new running routes to explore!

Boston, I'm coming for you.    

Girls on the Run

Yesterday I went to a new coaches training to be an assistant coach for Girls on the Run this spring.  After being in a room with so many incredible woman, and learning more about what the program stands for, I am so excited to work with these young girls over the next 10 weeks.

I first learned about GOTR when I ran Applecrest Half Marathon in the fall.  The GOTR did one of the water stops and had signs along the course.  I hadn't heard of it before that race, and was curious what GOTR was all about.  When I got home I looked it up and immediately realized what an amazing program it was.  I decided I wanted to help in some way, but wasn't really sure how.  I emailed the executive director of the NH council and asked what I could do.  She mentioned that the end of the season 5k was coming up in a few weeks and they were always looking for volunteers.  Sign me up!

Unfortunately come race day, mother nature was unaware of the hundreds of girls who worked hard all season to run the 5k that day.  It was unseasonably cold, windy, and unsafe for the young girls.  The race was cancelled, which obviously left everyone very sad, including me.  I was very much looking forward to volunteering in the medical tent, and then running the course as a sweeper.  I stayed in touch with the program coordinator, and offered to volunteer again if needed.  She presented me with the idea of coaching.  I told her that I would be interested, but had never coached running before and would have no idea what to do.  She thankfully said that was not a problem, and that they offered training to many who have never coached running before.  After a bunch of emails back and forth, I was convinced that this was something I would like to try.  

After yesterday's training, I almost feel as though coaching these girls is something I was meant to do.  I don't say or feel that way often, but as I was sitting there I felt like it was exactly where I was supposed to be.  On the GOTR website it says: 

We believe that every girl

can embrace who she is,

can define who she wants to be,

can rise to any challenge,

can change the world.

We watched a video that was made by the founder of the program, Molly Barker, and she talked about why she started GOTR.  She talked a lot about the "girl box."  Basically, the box that girls feel like we need to put ourselves in to fit in to society.  We need to act a certain way, dress a certain way, look a certain way.  I thought a lot about this because this is very much the way I felt for a lot of my life, which led to some very unhealthy behaviors that I have finally broken free from.  However, to say I am 100% confident in my own body, is unfortunately still something I have to work on every day.  

The mission of GOTR is to "inspire girls to be joyful, healthy and confident using a fun, experience-based curriculum which creatively integrates running."  What I love about this and this program, is the amazing message of strength and confidence they are working to instill in these girls at a young age.  While I was listening to everyone speak yesterday I felt like this was the kind of program I could have benefitted from when I was a child.  Since I didn't have the opportunity then, I am so grateful to have this wonderful opportunity now.  I really believe that in coaching these girls to find confidence in themselves, their abilities, and their bodies, I too will be helping myself to do the same.  

I would encourage anyone and everyone to look at this amazing program and offer to help in any way you can.  I think GOTR is something really special and I hope to be involved for many years to come.   

  

moving on

Well, my race on Sunday did not go as well as hoped.  Not even close.  I'm no stranger to bad races, but this one probably hurt the most.  My goal had been to PR, which meant finishing under 1:46:48.  That did not happen.  Instead, I finished about 15 minutes later at 2:01:59.  A time I would like to forget.  I was so excited and feeling very ready going in to this race.  I was ready to run my butt off, push through the pain, and cross that finish line knowing that I gave it my all.  I was ready to put my legs to the test.  I was ready to race.  Unfortunately, my legs had other plans.

So what happened?  To be honest, I'm not exactly sure.  I got to the race about 45 minutes early and met up with Stephanie, who was also trying for a new PR (she did it!).  We got our numbers, used the bathrooms, got ready, and were on our way.  The start was down the street a little ways from where we parked.  It was a little chilly, so we very slowly jogged to the start to warm up.  We lined up by the 8:00 pacer and waited for go time.  I stretched and tried to keep moving as much as possible to keep my muscles warm.  After a few minutes I noticed a little bit of a burning feeling in my legs.  I didn't think much of it and figured in would go away once I started running again.  A few minutes later, it was time to go.

Miles 1-5 were great.  The plan was to be consistent and stay as close to an 8:00 pace as possible.  Mile 1: 8:02 (perfect!), mile 2: 8:01 (right on!), mile 3: 7:57 (yes!), mile 4: 8:00 (on top of the world!), mile 5: 8:14 (uh oh).  That's where things took a sharp turn for the worst.  Suddenly my legs felt very tight and my muscles were burning like crazy.  I don't know what happened, or where I went wrong, but my legs decided they no longer felt like running that day.  I thought maybe if I stopped to stretch that it would offer some relief and I could somehow salvage this race.  I was wrong.  Very very wrong.  Every step that followed was painful.  This time my mind was saying go, but my legs just kept saying no.

I wanted to quit.  I wanted to throw in the white flag and give up.  I think for the first time ever I shed a few tears during a race.  I couldn't believe it.  I couldn't believe after feeling so ready, how horribly bad I felt from mile 6 to 13.1.  In that moment, I had absolutely no desire to cross the finish line.  I was mad.  I was mad at running.  I was mad at my body.

There were many bad thoughts that went through my head after the race on Sunday.  There were also many more tears shed on the drive home.  I felt defeated.  I started to question everything.  Why am I doing this?  Maybe long distance running isn't for me.  Maybe I'm just not cut out for this.  Maybe I'm not strong enough.  Maybe I should just give up.  I can be pretty good at negative self talk some times.

After a couple of days of thinking and reflecting, I'm ready to move on from this bad race and look forward to the next one.  I received many words of encouragement and support, and reminders of why I really do love running, which I am so very thankful for.  I was reminded that one race does not define a person, we need the bad races so we can fully appreciate the good ones, and there will be more races, and more opportunities to be great.

This race taught me the importance of respecting running for what it is.  It is hard.  It's a challenge, and that's what makes it so exciting.  Good races are good races for a reason, everything clicks.  All of the training and hard work pays off and you have a moment of greatness.  Those moments are what make it all worth it.  Those moments make the bad races forgettable.  Those moments are what I will continue to run and train for.  Those moments make it all worth it.  

beautiful sunrise from the morning of the race    

race time

Well, it's that time again!   Time to race.  On Sunday I will be running the Half at the Hamptons at Hampton Beach, NH.  I have never done this race before, so I'm excited to give it my best shot.  From the website, it is promised to be one of the flattest courses in New England with a total climb of 115ft. If you've spent any time running in New England, you know a flat race is hard to find.

This makes me very happy

The week-of-the-race anxiety has begun and I'm feeling a mix of emotions as race day approaches.  My goal for this race is to PR, which means crossing the finish line under 1:46:48.  My training lately has been going well and I've been feeling really strong in all the workouts.  I know I am capable, but I'm scared.  I'm scared because I know that means returning to that pain place, and not giving up when my mind starts to challenge my body.

When I PRed in the half marathon last May, I was ready, I was excited, and I was confident.  I felt the burn in my legs, the fatigue, and the struggle, but I didn't give up.  I was determined to cross that finish line under 1:50.  And I did.  Following that race, I struggled through the rest of 2013 to find that same fight and determination from start to finish of a half marathon.  Instead, when things got tough, I got frustrated and doubted myself.  I gave up.

Dove gets it.  I have to too.

This year I've already taken some pretty big steps to improve my health, my confidence, and learning how to believe in myself.  I'm ready to find that fight and determination once again.  I'm ready to see what these legs can do.  I'm ready to let go of the doubt.  I'm ready to race.

Truth.   

tattooed

I've been struggling lately coming up with things to write about.  Training is still going well.  Winter is still here in full force, to my dislike.  I've still got a pretty good case of the winter blues going on.  So, I just haven't felt like I've had much to say, or any fun running news to report.

I did, however, get some fresh ink added to my body a couple of weeks ago.  I had been wanting to get another tattoo, but wasn't sure exactly what.  When I lost my favorite little wrinkly man, Manny, in November I knew I wanted get something to remind me of him.  I thought for a long time about what to do.  I have a scar on my right wrist that is from him.  He was a little jerk from time to time, but I loved him just the same.  I knew I wanted to somehow incorporate the scar in the tattoo, or have a tattoo around it somehow.

After a lot of brainstorming, doodling, and drawing on myself, I decided I wanted 4 paw prints.  The first one around my scar, and the three other staggered up my arm, facing me.  I was very nervous to actually go and get it done though.  I have other tattoos, but being on my wrist, this one would be the most visible (I have one on my foot, which is very visible in the summer because I live in flip flops.  But, it is still hidden when I'm at work).  I was nervous about what people would think when they saw it.  I made an appointment anyways, and went down to the tattoo shop.  Still feeling a little nervous, I got out of my car and looked down at the ground.  Staring back at me, in the snow, was a paw print.  When I saw that, the nerves went away, and I knew this was what I wanted to do.

Manny meant a lot of things to me.  Tattoos obviously aren't for everyone, and are frowned upon by many.  Personally, I see them as way to express yourself, your beliefs, and what is important to you.  This year is about moving forward for me, living life without hiding behind an eating disorder, and believing in my abilities.  This tattoo is a reminder of all of those things, along with helping me feel like Manny is still by my side.

Do you have any tattoos?  What do they mean to you?             

winter blues

If you've followed along with me at all, you probably know very well that I do not like the cold, and am not a fan of the winters in NH.  This winter we've already had our fair share of deep freezes and single digit temperatures.  While I am not a fan of running in the cold, I'm even less of a fan of running on the treadmill.  If the conditions are too icy, cold, or not safe, I will move my run to the dreaded treadmill.   Otherwise, I'm usually the crazy lady running around town bundled from head to toe.  Each winter season that comes and goes, I grow increasingly annoyed with the cold temps and feet of snow.  This year has been no different.  I think the words "get me out of NH" have left my mouth more times than anyone cares to hear.  I've been feeling funky lately, and I think the winter weather has given me a solid case of the winter blues.

snow, snow, go away…
don't come again another day

I like to torture myself by looking at pictures like this one below and wishing I was on the other (warmer) coast.

If anyone wants to scoop me up and take me here, I won't resist.

Surprisingly, with the cold temps, snowy streets and winter blues-y attitude, I have had some pretty stellar weeks of training.  I decided at the end of last year to take the month of January off from racing.  I raced a lot last year, and felt like I needed to take the month off to rest my body and my mind.  This has allowed me to focus more on my training and working towards getting stronger and (hopefully) faster.  I've unfortunately had to take a couple extra days off due to my work schedule + frigid temps + icy roads but I've managed to complete all of my long runs as well as the speed work.

This is what the past week of training looked like:

Thursday: 15 min warmup, 4 mile tempo between marathon and half marathon pace, 10 min cool down.  I ran the tempo miles @ 8:23, 8:19, 8:15, 8:11.  For this run I got in my car and drove to the town I used to live in.  I've been pretty bored running the same routes around my house lately, so I thought running in a new area would help.  It did.

Friday: OFF

Saturday: I met up with Stephanie to do 16-17 miles with the last 20 min at marathon pace.  Stephanie was running 6 miles, so I couldn't pass up the opportunity to run some miles with a friend.  I drove down to Mass to meet her at the paved trail we like to run on.  It was a great 6 miles of running and run therapy that was very much needed by both of us.  I finished the last 10.5 miles on my own, explored a new part of the trail, got soaked by a nice rainy/slushy mix, ran the last 20 min at marathon pace, and then drove home in a snow storm.  

Sunday: 40 min easy on snow covered roads.  I was supposed to do strides at the end, but the snow made it difficult to pick up the pace.  I decided it wasn't worth the risk of injury and didn't do the strides.

One of the few times I think the snow looks pretty.

Monday: OFF

Tuesday: 15 min warm up, 10 x 200m on, 200 off @ 10k pace, 10 min cool down.  I averaged around 7:30 pace and felt really strong throughout. 

Wednesday: Should have been 40-50 min easy.  When I woke up at 5, the temperature was 4 degrees, and it was too early to use the treadmill, I was unable to do the run.  Instead I did Dr. Lesko's dirty dozen  and worked my core.  I didn't have time to run after work because of dinner plans.  Weather permitting, I'm hoping to get this run in on Friday.

Thursday: 15 min warm up, 1 mile (3 min rec), 2 x 800 (3 min rec), 4 x 400 (90 sec rec) all done at 5k pace, 10 min cool down.  I'm not going to lie, I was nervous for this workout.  I was nervous about the paces.  My 5k PR was a 7:11 pace.  I want to be faster than that.  So, my goal was to do this workout at 7:05 pace, which scared me.  We're in the middle of another very cold span of weather, so I did this workout (reluctantly) on the treadmill.  I nailed it.  All were done at 7:04 pace, and the last 400 I did at 6:40 pace.  My legs were feeling it towards the end, but I did it.  From this workout I learned one very important thing: I need to be able to believe in myself more.  I'm getting there, but I still have some work to do.

Reason number 672 why I love running: it's one of the few things helping to keep my winter blues at bay.