catching up

Where did January go? I feel like I ask myself that question at the end (or beginning) of every month these days. It's been almost a month since I've posted anything, so here's a little recap of the year so far. 

January started off well. I was getting through most of my workouts and hitting the planned paces. I was feeling stronger and ready to race a 10k on the 25th. We had gotten some snow in the days leading up to the race, so the plan was to see what the conditions were like and if it was safe I was gunning for that PR. I got to the race early enough to get my bib and run a 1-2 mile warm up. The roads were a little slushy, but didn't seem icy. My legs and mind were in the right place and I was ready to go. 

go time

The plan was to go out for the first couple miles around 7:50-8. Then to work my way down from there. I felt strong from the start and miles were flying by. 

Mile 1: 7:50

Miles 2: 8:01

Mile 3: 7:52

When I approached the mile marker for mile 3 I noticed it said mile 4. Obviously I was confused. I assumed there must have just been some mistake and I tried not to focus on it too much. But then when I got to mile 4, the marker said 5. Now I was really unsure of what was going on. There had been no indication that the course had been changed. I knew I hadn't made a wrong turn so I had no idea what to think or what to do. So I kept running. 

Mile 4: 7:54

Mile 5: 7:40

A woman was standing near the mile marker at mile 5, which actually said mile 6. She yelled to me that I was almost to the finish. I asked her if they had changed the course and she put her hands up and said no, the finish is right up there. At this point I was frustrated, but still really confused. As I turned the last corner a guy who had finished was walking towards me and said something like you can give it all you got, the finish is right there. I could tell there was some frustration in his voice and expression as well. 

the finish line in sight...a mile sooner than expected

Final 0.2: 1:13 (7:11 pace) 

Finish time: 40:30 for 5.2 miles

When I crossed the finish line I could hear others who had finished before me questioning what happened.  The volunteers seemed clueless as well. I honestly thought there had somehow been an error when measuring the course and somehow an entire mile was missed. I couldn't think of any other explanation since no one had said anything about a change, and no once seemed to have any insight. I left feeling extremely annoyed because based on my time I was well within reach of a big 10k PR (current PR is 49:08). I was also frustrated because had I known I would only have been running 5.2 miles that day I would have changed my race plan accordingly and probably could have had a much better result. 

clearly annoyed

I emailed the race director when I got home, which I never do but I wanted her to be aware of what happened if she didn't know, and also wanted to know what the hell happened if she did! She informed me that apparently the police had changed the course at the very last minute due to icy conditions. I understand safety is number one, but it's really unfortunate that no one bothered to tell the runners at any point. It's still a bit of a sore spot for me. I'll definitely be looking for another 10k this spring so I can get my redemption. 

Since that race I've had a few setbacks that include something funky happening to my back after getting off the couch during the first of many snow storms we've been pummeled with in Boston. The other fun setback has been the snow. After taking a few extra days off to let my back get its shit together I spent a couple days running in the snow before breaking down and getting a gym membership so I could have access to a treadmill. 

had to put the snow tires on my Hokas

the first snow storm was fun...
every foot of snow since then, not so much

So I guess that about sums up the past few weeks. It looks like Boston will be under a blanket of snow for months to come at this point, so I'm trying to enjoy get through the treadmill runs until it's safe enough to return to the roads. 

Is it spring yet? 

Boston 13.1

This morning I ran the Michelob Ultra Boston 13.1. I had kept pretty quiet about this race leading up to it for a couple of reasons. One being that I've been caught up in marathon training, so this race wasn't a main focus. Another being the fact that the last time I ran a half marathon was in February and it was an absolute disaster. Of course I wanted the chance to redeem myself, but I couldn't help but feel a little bit of fear that it would happen again. The final reason was because I knew I wanted to do well...but I was afraid to put it out there. I was afraid of announcing my goals, only to come away defeated again. I know, I know...I shouldn't think that way...confidence and believing in my abilities and myself is something I'm still working on (more on that later in the post). So, I quietly went in to this race with only myself knowing my A, B, and C goals. 

This morning started as every race morning does. Alarm set early, breakfast, coffee, Nuun, too many trips to the bathroom, bags packed, water bottles filled, Oiselle singlet on, Hokas laced up, out the door and on my way. The race was in Revere, MA, which is only about 20 min from my house. I got there about 45 min before the 8:15 start. Plenty of time to get my bib, and make a couple trips to the porta potties. 

Jill and I pre race!

We lined up just before it was time to go and right at 8:15 we were off. The weather was perfect, 50's and no humidity. The sun was out, which kept me warm, but a strong wind every few miles kept me from getting too hot. I had never been to the area in Revere where the race was, so I enjoyed seeing a new part of town and really tried to soak it all in. We started out twisting and turning around some neighborhoods, and then did a small loop around Belle Isle Marsh Reservation. To my surprise, this area wasn't paved. It was a fairly narrow, but groomed path. I had to weave my way around some other runners by running on the grass. The area was beautiful though, and a welcome change to the typical pavement miles.

After going through the marsh, we ran back through some neighborhoods, and made our way over to the beach. We ran close to 6 miles on Revere Beach Blvd. Out one direction, turned around, back the other direction, and then turned around again before making our way towards the finish. It may sound a little repetitive, and maybe it was to some, but I loved it. I love the beach, and I love running along the beach. Since we did a couple of out and backs, I got to see the leaders twice, along with many other people...twice. I find it a great distraction being able to watch the other runners, as well as a huge motivation to see the leaders in front of me. 

confusing course map

I felt great for the first 10 miles. Great. Better than I have in a while. I felt strong, confident, and actually believed I had a PR in me today. And then came mile 10 and slapped me in the face. I struggled to hold on. I knew if I could hold on to my pace I would PR, or be pretty damn close to it. I couldn't hold on. When I realized I wasn't going to get my A goal, I switched focus to my B goal, which was still well within reach. I couldn't let that one slip away. I walked through a couple of water stops, sipped some Gatorade and focused on putting one foot in front of the other. I had slowed down considerably. When I saw the finish I tried to push harder, with little effect. I finished my 12th half marathon at 1:49:05 on empty. I reached my B goal of finishing under 1:50 for the 4th time. I finished happy. Happy to erase the memory of February's struggle. Happy to feel like I'm making forward progress.        

pretty cool bib complete with the Zakim Bridge

A few side notes:

This course was FLAT. I loved it.

this is what it looks like on the website...

and this is what it looked like on my Garmin...definitely one of the flattest I've done...
I think I like it here

Splits. It's pretty clear how I was feeling in the last 3 miles. Not good. Something I still REALLY need to work on. I must stop dying at the end.

Well this says 1:49:02, my official time said 1:49:05...
either way, the last 3 miles are sad. Need to fix that. 

And lastly... I mentioned above that confidence in myself, and well self-love really, is something I am currently working on. I've been using some positive affirmations to help me on this journey. Last week's was "I am capable" and this week's was "each step is taking me where I want to be." I said both of these to myself at many points throughout the race to keep my head in the right place. I also decided in the early miles of this race that it was going to be kind of a competition between myself, the person full of doubt, full of self-consciousness, full of disbelief...and well, myself...the person who believes I am capable, confident in myself and my abilities, and the person who loves who I am. Cheesy? Maybe. I don't care. It worked. The right person won this race and I'm already looking forward to my next half October, 5. Another chance to prove I AM capable and I AM taking steps that will get me to where I want to be. 

breaking in the singlet

On Saturday, July 26th I ran my first race in my shiny new Oiselle singlet. It was amazing. Well, the race not so much I guess, but racing in the singlet was everything I had hoped for and more. The race was a 5k in Somerville, MA called Running on the Streets of Gold. I ran with my totally awesome teammate, braid twin, and new friend Rebecca. She picked me up around 7, after I made her wait in the parking lot while I finished gathering all of my stuff. I am a terrible packer and planner, I am great at throwing things in a bag last minute. 

at least I have an awesome new spike bag to throw it all in

We got to the race early so we would have time to do about a 15 min warm up, get our bibs, and braid some hair. Thankfully, I perfected the art of the french braid at a young age. Also thankful I was able to share this skill with Rebecca on Saturday. When we got to the race we were pretty surprised by the number of people. There couldn't have been more than 20. We weren't sure if we were in the right place until we spotted the porta potties. We were able to grab our bibs pretty quickly, along with a fresh copy of Chicken Soup for the Runner's Soul. Definitely the first time I've gotten a book at a race! After we got our stuff, we ran just under 2 miles to warm up. The sun was already warm and the humidity was already making things sticky. My singlet was soaked before the race even started. 

I look half asleep because I was...
(picture stolen from Rebecca)

Once we returned from our warm up miles, there were many more people lined up to get their bids and take a trip to the porta potty. After some delayed announcements, the race finally got started close to 8:30 (it was supposed to be an 8:00 start). It was their first year doing the race, so we cut them some slack. I went in to this race not knowing what to expect. Of course, I always want to shoot for a PR, but even more importantly I want to walk away knowing I gave it all on that day. Training lately has been extremely up and down with the weather (heat and humidity is NOT my friend). I also very rudely woke up at 2:30am Saturday morning and was not able to go back to sleep. I finally rolled out of bed around 5:45 and hoped some extra caffeine would give me some wings. I knew very early on this would not be the case. Rebecca is a super speedy bird. I knew she would be running much faster than me, even on my best of days. My thought was I would just try to keep her in sight as long as possible. It didn't take long after a couple turns, and some hills before I could no longer see her. I was flying solo and feeling pretty beat up. 

I had two options. I could give in to the pain, slow way down, and just use the race as a training run. Or I could embrace the pain and push on knowing I 'only' had a couple more miles to go. I chose the latter. I knew if I completely gave up I would be really upset when I finished. So, I chose to push forward and give the most that my body could at that moment. Near the finish, the course did a weird little out and back and I was able to see Rebecca in the distance still running strong. It gave me a little boost I needed to finish strong as well. 

I crossed the finish line at 23:47. Not even close to a PR, but not my slowest 5K either. It was however a fun day with a great teammate. I'm starting to understand that just because every race doesn't result in a PR, it doesn't mean every race that doesn't result in a PR is a bad race. Racing is fun because it's a challenge. You can't predict how your body will perform on any given day. You can only keep challenging it and hoping for great results. All I can ask of myself is to give my best in that moment. I want to walk away from each racing knowing I gave my best. Thankfully, I can say I gave my best effort at that time, during that race on Saturday. 

after we run...we drink coffee!
(again stolen from Rebecca)

 

race time

Well, it's that time again!   Time to race.  On Sunday I will be running the Half at the Hamptons at Hampton Beach, NH.  I have never done this race before, so I'm excited to give it my best shot.  From the website, it is promised to be one of the flattest courses in New England with a total climb of 115ft. If you've spent any time running in New England, you know a flat race is hard to find.

This makes me very happy

The week-of-the-race anxiety has begun and I'm feeling a mix of emotions as race day approaches.  My goal for this race is to PR, which means crossing the finish line under 1:46:48.  My training lately has been going well and I've been feeling really strong in all the workouts.  I know I am capable, but I'm scared.  I'm scared because I know that means returning to that pain place, and not giving up when my mind starts to challenge my body.

When I PRed in the half marathon last May, I was ready, I was excited, and I was confident.  I felt the burn in my legs, the fatigue, and the struggle, but I didn't give up.  I was determined to cross that finish line under 1:50.  And I did.  Following that race, I struggled through the rest of 2013 to find that same fight and determination from start to finish of a half marathon.  Instead, when things got tough, I got frustrated and doubted myself.  I gave up.

Dove gets it.  I have to too.

This year I've already taken some pretty big steps to improve my health, my confidence, and learning how to believe in myself.  I'm ready to find that fight and determination once again.  I'm ready to see what these legs can do.  I'm ready to let go of the doubt.  I'm ready to race.

Truth.   

race return

On Sunday I will be making my return to racing following the marathon that did not go as planned.  Well, I guess that's kind of a lie.  A couple of weeks ago I ran a 5k for fun in the middle of a 12 mile training run.  So, I don't really count that one.  Sunday I will be running my 9th half marathon and 4th of the year.  I am running the Seacoast Half Marathon in Portsmouth, NH and am very excited for it!

We'll be heading over to Portsmouth Saturday afternoon and spending the night in a hotel before the race.  I think this is actually the first time I will have stayed in a hotel the night before a race.  Any other time I have traveled to one I've stayed with friends or family.  I'm looking forward to a fun little adventure.

This week training has gone really well so far.  Tuesday I ran an easy 45 min w/ 4x 100m strides.  Wednesday I had to run after work.  It was dark, but unseasonably warm.  I had a reflective vest to wear, but I wish I had had some sort of light to carry with me.  After reading this running in the dark PSA post by Danielle, I am definitely planning to invest in some knuckle lights.  Anyways, I had wanted to go to the track to get my workout in, but the track was not lit up, and I can be a bit of a wimp in the dark by myself, so I decided against it.  Instead, I just ran easy for a half hour, and planned to do my workout the following day.  Thursday I had to work the night shift (NOT FUN), but at least it gave me most of the day to make my way up to the track. The workout scheduled was 4-5 x 1000 @ MP w/ one minute rest, 15 min warm up and cool down.  Everything about this workout just felt right.  My pace was much faster than my marathon pace, but I felt great and was able to stay consistent through all 5 k's, my last one actually being the fastest.  I started at 8:06 pace and worked my way down to 8:02.  I'm hoping this means good things to come for the race on Sunday!

As for my goals on Sunday…I really just want to run a consistent pace.  I STILL struggle with going out too fast and crashing at the end most of the time.  This was a big part of what caused my marathon disappointment.  I need to learn to hold back a little at the beginning.  The only way I think I'll learn how to do that is to practice.  So, with that being said, on Sunday I am really going to try to stay calm and start out slower than my goal pace.  I'd like to have the first half feel almost easy and then push it for the second half.  It's going to take some serious self control, but I have to figure out how to do that.  After the race we're heading down to MA for a wedding.  It's going to be a busy, but fun weekend. 

Is anyone else running the Seacoast Half, or have you ran it before?  Who else is racing this weekend?!     

two timer

This post is a little difficult for me to write.  I was hoping I could write all about how I crushed my goal and finished the United Healthcare Marathon in under 4 hrs.  I was hoping I could write about how I felt great and followed the plan.  I was hoping I could write about how excited and happy I am about finishing my second marathon.  Well, unfortunately, that is not the case.  I am happy I finished my second marathon.  I am happy that I reached my second goal of a new PR.  But there are many more things I am unhappy about, and unfortunately that is what's on my mind right now.  Usually I try to be positive about the result of a race whether I felt it was good or bad.  I know I am still learning and have a LOT to learn.  I know I still have a lot of growing to do as a runner.  I feel like I have a lot of potential.  But right now I'm having a hard time with falling short of my sub 4 hr marathon goal.  

Here's how the weekend went.  Saturday we headed down to RI around noon.  My boyfriend and I picked up my friend, Julie, who would be running her second half marathon as well.  The plan was to meet up with a couple of my other friends, who were also running the race, at the expo in Newport.  We got there around 2:30 and picked up our numbers.  The expo was in a tent right on the beach.  It was beautiful.  We played in the sand for a bit before making a trip to the grocery store.

a feather to match my shirt

After going to the grocery store, all 6 of us went over to my dad's house in Tiverton, where we were all staying.  He and my stepmom made a delicious pasta dinner for all of us.  We had some wine, hydrated, relaxed, and went to bed early.

At 4:30 am my alarm went off.  I didn't sleep well that night, so I had a little trouble getting my butt out of bed.  I always try to give myself plenty of time before the race to have coffee, wake up, and choke down some food.  Just before 7 we loaded up the cars and headed over the the marathon parking at Second Beach.  We had to take a bus over to the start of the race at Easton's Beach.  After visiting the porta-potties, we lined up and got ready to go.  My stomach was in knots.  I was super nervous but excited it was finally time.  

Monica, Beth, myself, and Julie before the start

My plan originally was to stay around 9 min/mile pace for the first part of the race.  If I felt good, then I would start to run a little faster.  However, my friend, Beth (who is typically MUCH faster than me) said she would run with me and help me reach my goal of sub 4 hrs.  She thought I was capable of finishing around 3:50, so planned to run around an 8:45 pace.  I went with it.  BIG MISTAKE.   

Through the first half of the race I felt pretty good.  My legs were burning a little, but there were a few hills, and I was hoping I would be able to recover.  I got caught up in the excitement, the people, and the amazing views.  Our paces ranged from 8:30-9 min.  I was feeling optimistic.  

One of the beautiful Newport beaches 

so many amazing views on the water

This race has a half marathon option.  Those doing the full and the half run the same course, and then those doing the full continue on.  We ran next to the finish line for the half.  We heard all the names being announced of those finishing.  We saw all the people cheering for those finishing the half and those cheering for the rest of us who were crazy enough to run another 13.1 miles.  Once we passed through this area and turned the corner for the second part of the course, my mind began to race.  I suddenly couldn't believe I had to run another 13.1 miles.  I wanted to turn around and be done.  My body felt tired, my stomach was nauseous, I had a lump in my throat, and I freaked out.  The words "I can't do this" actually left my mouth.  I started walking.  My mind and my body were not cooperating.  I really started to believe I might not actually finish this thing.  What the hell was happening to me?!      

Thankfully, Beth was there to keep me going.  She said some encouraging words and urged me to keep going.  I wanted to punch her in the face at the time, but was so grateful to have her there.  The next few miles I continued to walk/run and struggled to keep moving forward.  I thought of the quote I wear on my wrist from Kara Goucher, "A step forward, no matter how small, is a step in the right direction. Keep believing."  I kept moving forward.  

At this point, I think around mile 16, I told my friend to go ahead.  She was fully capable of finishing the way we had planned.  I didn't want to hold her back and knew I was going to struggle through the remaining 10+ miles.  She made me promise her I would finish the race no matter what.  I made that promise and then watched as she ran ahead in to the distance until I could no longer see her anymore.  I was crushed.  This wasn't how this race was supposed to go.  I was supposed to be running along side her and finishing the race next to her.  Once I came to terms with the fact that I wasn't going to finish under 4 hrs, I readjusted my plan and focused on my second goal of finishing with a new PR, which was still very much within reach.  

The last 10 miles weren't pretty, but I got through them.  I walked through each water stop and made sure to drink as much as I could.  I felt like I needed more fuel.  The shot blocks I had just weren't cutting it that day.  I needed something.  I grabbed a banana from one of the tables (what?!).  I drank some more water and gatorade and told myself to just keep moving forward.  My stomach was still hurting.  I questioned making a bathroom stop, but the thought of squatting in a porta-potty with how tired my legs were helped me make the decision not to.  The second half of the course had many more long, unforgiving hills than the first.  Running downhill started to become just as hard as running up.  I continued to make my way through the miles, very slowly.  It wasn't pretty.  

As I started to climb the last hill around mile 24 I tried to pick up the pace a little.  I started to picture all my friends and family at the finish line waiting for me.  I knew they all would be proud of me, even though I made them wait for me at the finish longer than planned.  Finally, I turned the corner just before mile 26 and saw the white tent at Easton's Beach.  I heard the cheers and the announcer announcing the names of those finishing, this time for the full marathon.  I felt my legs start to run faster.  I saw my family just before the last turn heading for the finish.  I turned the last corner and immediately heard the announcer say my name.  I saw my friends and my boyfriend all cheering for me.  I gave it all I had through the finish.  

 

giving it all I had

crossing the finish line

I finally crossed the finish line in 4 hours, 19 minutes, and 17 seconds.  A new PR by over 20 minutes.  I was very happy I didn't give up when I thought I was going to.  I fought through and finished the race, even though I knew my big goal was no longer in reach.  I won the battle with my mind when it told me I couldn't do it.  I am happy to say I have completed 2 marathons.  

Yesterday I felt ok about what happened.  I was upset obviously, but was happy I didn't give up.  Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't fall back to sleep because I couldn't stop thinking about the race and what happened.  I couldn't stop thinking about what could have happened if I had done it differently.  What could have happened if I stuck to my original plan and didn't run with my friend.  Today those thoughts have continued to run through my head.  I wish I had run my own race and followed MY plan.  My biggest fear was going out too fast, and not enjoying the later miles because of it.  My biggest fear became reality yesterday.  

Of course, with any disappointment, there can always me a million what ifs.  I've shed a few tears and am now trying to work through the disappointment and focus on the fact that I crossed the finish line over 20 min faster than I did when I ran my first marathon in 2007.  I think the hardest part is that I really believe I am capable of more, and I wasn't able to prove it yesterday.  

So, I didn't reach my big goal...now what?  Another marathon.  Disappointment is all part of the process.  I guess I can't win them all (although that would be pretty cool, huh?).  I'm giving myself a couple of days to be bummed and upset, and then it's time to move on and focus on the next.  Now I have a better understanding of what to do and what not to do.  I know I can get there.  It's just going to take a little longer than I had hoped.                                  

Applecrest Half Marathon

This morning I ran the Applecrest Half Marathon.  It was a perfect fall day for a race.  The course started and finished at Applecrest Farm, which was beautiful.  I am so excited fall is here.  It's my favorite season by far.

goofy face. trying to pin my number on.
one of the hardest parts of racing.

PUMPKINS!

Where's waldo? 

Honestly, I didn't have much of a plan for this race.  I didn't have a goal time in mind.  I didn't have paces running through my head I wanted to see.  I just wanted to run the race for the experience and to enjoy it.  I have been racing a lot lately, including a hilly 10 miler last weekend.  I was hoping my legs would be recovered enough for what I thought was a flat course.  I guess I missed this on the website:

"The course is moderately hilly but doable for just about any runner or walker."  ooops!  No clue where I got the idea that this course was flat.  I was in for a rude awakening when I started running.

What I looked at on the website and thought...that doesn't look bad.

What I should have looked at.  Good old New England. 

Had I expected a hilly course I would have approached the race a little differently.  My small goal was to keep a consistent pace and not crash at the end.  Spoiler alert, I crashed on the last 3 miles.  Usually, no matter how much I struggle during a race, I am able to push for the last half mile or so for a strong finish.  The finish line for this course was at the top of a very unwelcomed hill.  There was no pushing.  Only dragging my feet.  BUT I did better than my last disaster of a half marathon, which was also a small goal for today, so I have to be happy with that.

I know I have said this a few times before, but this all is really still very much a learning process for me.  I have been able to take something good away from every race, even if the race itself wasn't the best.  Today I learned that my legs aren't ready to handle two hilly distance races two weekends in a row.  I felt the best I have felt in a long time during last weekend's 10 miler.  However, this weekend was a different story.  My legs just weren't having it after 8 miles.

Official time: 1:53:57.  

Not close to a PR, but not close to my worst either.  It was a beautiful day, a beautiful course, and I have a lot to take away and think about from today.  I'd say that's a win in my mind.  

love me some pumpkins

Moose on the Loose 10 Miler

Yesterday I ran the Moose on the Loose 10 Miler.  It is a 10 mile trail race through Mine Falls in Nashua, NH.  It was my very first trail race and it did not disappoint one bit.  The course was four 2.5 mile loops through some of the trails in Mine Falls.  The race also had a 2 and 4 person relay option, which is why the course was done that way.  There are so many trails throughout Mine Falls.  It would have been nice to be able to run through more of them, but the four loops had its perks too.  The weather was warm and humid, but the trails offered some welcomed shade for most of the race.

on my way to the race
race day hair done the same way every time!

I guess we were supposed to be moose
I missed the memo

My friends Monica and Kevin were also running the race.  They are currently training for the New York City Marathon after missing out on it last year.  They had 12 miles on their schedule for yesterday and I had 16.  So we all went out for 2 miles together before the start of the race.  I felt good during those 2 miles and was ready for the race to start.

The race was relatively small.  We lined up at the starting line around 9am and were ready to go...or so I thought.  We started out on to the course.  Almost immediately I could tell this was not going to be a good race for me.  The first mile was ok and I ran it at a good pace, although in hind site, probably a little too fast.  After that mile everything began to quickly fall apart.  I just felt off.  I was breathing heavy, sweating a lot, and over all felt crappy.  I kept running, but slowed way down.  I'm pretty sure each mile grew increasingly slower.  I refused to look at my Garmin.  I was approaching the end of the first 2.5 mile loop and for the first time ever considered not going back out on the course and finishing the race.  There was a water stop at the end of loop, so I walked, grabbed a couple of cups, slowly drank them and tried to gather myself.  Then I slowly started back out on to the course.  I switched the screen of my Garmin so I couldn't see my pace, and decided to run at an easy pace and just try my best to finish the race.  

SPOTTED: a moose (or two) on the course!

I continued on for the second loop.  I tried to focus on the river that was along the trail, and the other people running, walking, biking through the trails, while also not looking too far from the ground for fear of falling.  My one goal for this race was not to fall multiple times.  At least I could still try to make that happen.  I shuffled along slowly and got through the second 2.5 miles.

still smiling.
how could you not, with views like that?

As I began the decent back on the trail for the third loop, I saw my friends running towards me who were just finishing the second.  I decided to slow way down and let them catch up to me.  I needed the support and decided if I was going to get through this, I wasn't going to do it alone.  The third and fourth loops were rough.  I continued to walk through both water stops in the course, double fisting at each one.  The race itself was beautiful, but my personal race was very ugly.  However, I made the choice to finish it, no matter how slowly, and that's what I did.  I don't know my time, I turned off my Garmin, and refused to look at the clock when I finished.  I didn't care.  Some how I got through it, and that's all that mattered to me.  

We hung out after the race for a bit.  I lost count of how many bottles of water I drank.  I tried to eat a banana, but it was hard to stomach.  I began to feel much better though after drinking as much water as I could.  Dehydration is a bitch.  I had planned to run 4 miles after the race to make 16 for the day.  However, immediately after the race I wasn't sure that was going to happen.  After hanging out for a bit and rehydrating, I decided to give it a try.  I changed my sweaty shirt, grabbed some Gu from my car and a full water bottle and ventured back out on to the trails.  I didn't run fast, and I stopped at one point to stretch on a rock and enjoy the views.  

16 dirty miles for the day done.  Most of them were a struggle, but I loved every one of them.  

dirty hokas as a result

...and a nice pint glass to take home

Another race.  Another learning experience.  I know very well what went wrong with this race.  This time it wasn't anything I did on the day of the race, it was what I did the days leading up to it, which I fully understand now are just as important.  I'm not going to go in to it, because I don't like to make excuses.  What happened, happened, and I will become a stronger runner and much smarter runner because of it.  I think that's what is most important, and really what this is all about.  I am learning, growing, improving, and enjoying every step along the way.

two seconds

Motivation can come from many different places.  It can come from internal motivation, or it can come from external motivation like a race goal, a personal PR, teammates, a team you hope to be a part of, motivational words from the always incredible Lauren Fleshman, or watching speedster Kate Grace achieve PR's.   What motivates a person one day, could be very different from the next.

After running my second 5k last week, I was motivated by two seconds.

23:01

That is the time I finished the 5k in on Thursday night.  It was almost a minute faster than my previous 5k PR.  It is 2 seconds away from being under 23 minutes.

Going in to the race on Thursday my goal was to run faster than my previous time of 23:58. Based on how I felt after that race, and the way my training was going, I new I was capable of that.  I didn't have any other time goal, except to run faster than 23:58.

I washed this shirt just so I could wear it for the race
Race day attire is very important.

Ready to run!

The race was really big, by my standards.  There were around 5500 people running or walking the course.  My friends and I worked out way through the crowd to find our way to where the runners were lining up.  There were still a bunch of people in front of us.  When the gun went off, it took almost 2 min to get to the starting line.  When I crossed over the timing mat, I took off and began weaving my way around as many people as I could.  It was tough to get around everyone.  I found myself up on the sidewalk many times, and running from one side of the street to another. Apparently some people missed the memo that walkers should line up in the back.  The street was filled with sweaty runners all working towards the same goal of getting to the finish line as quickly as possible.

With the added challenge of dodging thousands of runners, I was pleasantly surprised when I saw my pace after the first mile.

Mile 1: 7:23

I was determined not to slow down.  I've become very good at starting out too quickly and crashing at the end.  I was looking for a different result during this race.  

Mile 2: 7:21

When I saw the split after the second mile I started to do some quick math in head figuring out what my finish time could potentially be.  I was pleasantly surprise when I realized I could finish the race right around 23min if I could hold my pace.

The last mile was tough.  My chest felt like it was on fire, but my legs still felt strong.  I still had to dodge runners left and right, which made it much more difficult.  I kept pushing.  We made a left hand turn, and climbed a steep hill to the finish.  I felt strong on the hill, and worked my way around a few men who were slowing down.  I think my aggressive passing skills could use some work.  I gave it all I had when I saw the finish.

Mile 3: 7:30
Official Time: 23:01

I am very excited that I ran almost a minute faster than my previous 5k time.  I achieved my goal for the race and set a new PR.  I am certainly not going to take anything away from that accomplishment.  I can honestly say I never thought I'd be running an average pace of 7:25.  But I did.  I can also honestly say I never thought I'd be affected by a couple of seconds on my finish time.  But I am.

Those two seconds lit a another fire inside of me.  Those two seconds made me want to run another 5k.  Those two seconds are my motivation to keep working hard to achieve my goals.      

take me to the races

**First of all, I really want to sincerely thank everyone for their support and encouragement following my last post.  It really means so much to me and has given me extra motivation to keep training and believing.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.**

As I've said in a couple of my previous posts, my love for racing has grown tremendously this year.  I'm not sure what took me so long to catch the bug, but I'm glad I finally caught it.  I've been a competitive person my whole life.  I competed for 13 years in gymnastics, played softball throughout middle school and high school, played soccer, and even swam for a couple of summers.  I am a competitive person by nature wether it be in a sporting event, or a yard game while enjoying some cold beverages.  For some reason though, when I began running a few years ago, I never fully embraced the competitive aspect.  I enjoyed running a marathon, and a few half marathons, but that was about it.  I never ran races to prove anything.  I ran them just to run them.

Enter 2013.  I caught the bug.  Completely and totally 100%.  I love running races.  So far this year I have completed 4: the Merrimack Sparkler 5K , the Nashua Soup Kitchen 10K, Boston's Run to Remember Half Marathon, and the Jamestown Half Marathon.  I learned so much about what I am capable of (and not) from each one.  There were many ups and downs, but I left each one wanting more.  As of right now I have 4 more on the schedule for this year, but I have a feeling more will be added.

Thursday, August 8th, I am running my second 5K in Manchester, NH.  I'm not sure yet how I feel about the 5K.  I think I like it, but that opinion is based on only one 5K.  I finished the one I ran this year thinking I could run faster than 23:58.  On Thursday, my goal is a new PR.

August 18th I am going to test out my trail legs.  I am running my first trail race in Nashua, NH.  It's a 10 mile race on a trail I have casually run on a few times.  I am super excited to give this one a try.  My goal for this race is to make it to the finish without falling on my face, or in the water, multiple times.  Pretty high expectations, I think. 

September 8th I am running another half marathon in North Hampton, NH.  This will be my third half marathon of the year to bring the grand total to 8.  My most recent half last month was a bit of a disaster.  My goal is to not go out too fast, so I don't crash and burn at the end.

On October 13th I am running my second marathon in Newport, RI.  I am both nervous and extremely excited about this.  For a while I said I probably wouldn't run another full marathon.  When I ran the first one it was shortly after I began running and it was brutal.  It took a long time to forget the pain, and I happily settled on running half marathons.  I always said the half distance was enough to be a challenge, but not enough to kill you.  Well, I am now ready for the killer challenge again.  Ultimately my big goal is to BQ.  However, I think that might be a little ambitious for this year, which means I will be running more marathons in the future.  My goal for this marathon is to break 4 hrs.  Based on my training so far, I believe I can do it.    

So, that's what my race calendar looks like as of now for the rest of the year.  I'm looking forward to running each race, and seeing what happens!   

What races are on your schedule?