Thursday, April 4, 2013

my best is not failing

On Sunday, I will be running my very first 10k race.  For some reason, I am very nervous, excited, and anxious.  I've never really felt nervous for a race before.  So, I'm not too sure what's different about this one.  However, I guess it probably has something to do with the fact that I've never raced anything shorter than a 1/2 marathon.  I've also never had any sort of expectations for a race, except to not collapse before the finish.

I've always kind of been one to hold back.  Afraid to push myself because I'm afraid of failing.  Less so of failing myself, but failing others.  Never feeling good enough is something I am very good at.  On Sunday, I want to push myself and not be afraid to fail.  Because really, if I try my absolute best, no matter what the outcome, I haven't failed.  My best is the best that I can offer.  My best is not a failure.

I feel like I'm ready to push myself on Sunday and not hold back.  I'm nervous though because I'm not really sure how to do that.  Maybe that sounds strange...I mean, just run as fast as you can, right?  But I know it's not that simple.  I'm not totally sure how to do that, both in running and in life.  It seems like runners usually have a plan for a race.  I don't have a plan.  Well, I'd really like to finish in under 50min.  But I don't have a plan for how to make that happen.  I have ideas...thoughts...maybes...but no plan.  I don't know what my body is capable of.  That's scary to me, but exciting too.  Sunday, I'm going to find out.

Today I did have a plan to run 9 miles.  It was a beautiful day for a run.

Someday I'll stop being afraid and run on the other side of the fence. 

Layered in Oiselle 

Running by a farm is nice...the smell is not.

Finally starting to feel like spring!

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