dark clouds may hang on me sometimes...

...but I'll work it out.

I think I should start by saying I have some major love for Dave Matthews Band (maybe obvious to some).  I have always found inspiration from the lyrics of their songs.  I can also relate to many of them.  They've helped me at times when nothing else could.  The title of this blog is a play on lyrics from one of their songs called I'll Back You Up.  The actual lyrics are:

"Do what you will, always
Walk were you like, your steps
Do as you please, I'll back you up"

I've always really liked those words, and when trying very hard to think up a name for this blog, I decided to one again to rely on their lyrics (I changed walk to run...I though it fit better).  Creativity is clearly not really a strong point for me.  The title for this post is also one of my favorite lines from their song Dancing Nancies.

"Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes, but I'll work it out"

I've had a lot of dark clouds stuck over my head throughout my life.  Some were self inflicted, some were not.  There was a point when I didn't think the darkness would ever go away.  I thought I'd be stuck under the cloud forever.  Thankfully I don't see things that way any more.  I am definitely not, and probably will never be, the happy-go-lucky type of person who always sees the bright side of a situation.  I have a lot of dark clouds that still hang over my head...but like the song says, I know I'll work it out somehow.

I even have this tattoo with yet another quote
from their song Cry Freedom...
"the future is no place, to place your better days"      

Ok, now that I have admitted my love for the band, I can move on to the actual point of this post.  On Sunday I ordered the Believe I Am training journal (believeiam.com), which arrived in my mailbox yesterday.  Keeping my head in the right place has always been a challenge for me.  Running has been going great lately, but the demons that like to tell me I'm not good enough, strong enough, fast enough, or thin enough like to make their way back in to my head all too often.  So, I thought I could use a little help from the inspirational messages and words provided in this unique journal.  It was created by two amazing running ladies, Lauren Fleshman and Roisin McGettigan.

When I opened in up I found a page folded up inside the cover.  It's called Ro and Lo's Map to Believe: Set, Stick to, Accomplish Your Goals.  With the risk of sounding completely cheesy, I think it's exactly what I needed right now.  Especially this:

Lots of negative thoughts holding me back

I am going to really think about this over the next few days and write down the thoughts that hold me back mentally and physically.  Since I started this blog as a way to open up and get my negative thoughts out, I think this is a good way to to that.  I have a lot of negative thoughts that need to be changed to ones I can believe in.  It's going to be hard, but I know it's for the best. 

Time to start kicking those demons out of my head for good.  Dark clouds still hang on me sometimes...but I'll work it out.