Smuttynose Rockfest Half Recap and a new PR

I didn't think I would write this post tonight, but as I sit here waiting for the Patriots to start while the bf is asleep on the couch, I can't help but continue to relive my race at the Smuttynose Rockfest Half Marathon this morning. I am too damn happy.

Let me rewind a bit. I set a pretty lofty goal at the beginning of the year to PR in every race distance I ran in 2014. I knew it was a possible goal, but a big one. I also knew when I set that goal that my half marathon PR would be one of the toughest to break. My current PR (at the beginning of the year) had been set in May of 2013 at Boston Run to Remember. I had tried to surpass that number of 1:46:48 multiple times, with no luck. Just as it's larger counterpart (the marathon) the half can be a tricky one. However, I knew I had it in me. I knew I was capable. I knew I could do it.

Today started as every other race morning does. I had to drive about an hour to get to the starting line. I played some music loudly in my car to get pumped up, and of course had to make a bathroom pit stop on the way. When I got to Hampton I met up with my friends who were also running, warmed up in their car, waited in line for the bathroom, and eventually headed to the starting line.

My friend Lori was running the race and we briefly talked ahead of time about starting in the first wave of people who hoped to finish under 1:50. She had never finished a half under 1:50 and that was her big goal. I was secretly hoping to PR, but would have been happy with a sub 1:50 finish. We found each other at the start, she nervously chatted while we waited for the green light, and I listened while trying to keep warm. It was cold in the shade and the wind. Maybe 45 degrees. My legs and hands got pretty cold while waiting. I tried to keep them warm, but it was tough. Before I knew it it was time to go and we were running.

beautiful morning for a race

I thought maybe I should start a little slower than my planned pace of 8:10 to get my legs warmed up because of the cold.  However, as I started running a bit I felt ok and decided to go with whatever pace felt manageable, no matter what it may be. I think the first mile beeped right at 8:10. OK. I'm ok, I thought. Lori and I were running very close together and it was helpful to have her in my sight.

When I ran Boston 13.1  a couple weeks ago I felt amazing through the first 10 miles. I was riding a high and felt like nothing could stop me. I believed I could PR. Then mile 10 hit and I crashed. Hard. Today I didn't feel that same high, I didn't ever feel like I could run forever. I knew I would have to fight for it, but I was ready.

As the miles went on I managed to run at a consistent pace... 8:00, 7:59, 7:59. 7:58, 8:00... I felt strong, but it didn't feel easy. I made mini goals for myself. I pushed. Lori was a step ahead of me most of the time but it kept me fighting and motivated to stay with her. The first 10 miles went by relatively quickly and then mile 10 hit like a brick wall...again. I kept trying to do the math in my head of where I was and how fast I had to run to finish under 1:46:48. It kept me motivated knowing I was well within reach.

Mile 11-12 felt the longest and most painful. I tried to embrace the pain and not fight it. I knew if I slowed down and gave up I'd regret it. I kept pushing. Once I hit mile 12 I knew I could do it if I could just hold on. I kept wishing to see the finish line, and when I did I had just enough left in the tank to pick up my pace. I crossed that finish line at 1:45:27. I almost couldn't believe it.

PR's all around

This race is extra special because not only was it a physical PR, it was a mental PR as well. I still have a lot of work to do in the last couple miles, but overall I was mentally stronger in this race because it physically felt more difficult. I could have, and wanted to at some points, slow down and give in but I didn't. I fought hard for that race, which gives me a lot of confidence going forward.

2014 goals check in

Over the past couple months I have been working with my friend Renee, who is also a health coach. I have always, for the most part, considered myself a healthy eater. I enjoy healthy foods, but like many people often fell in to the trap of convenience. I ate the same similar foods week after week, cooked easy quick foods for dinner, and meal planning was a foreign language. I've always struggled with feeling tired and unrested even after sleeping 10+ hours at night (and by sleeping I mean waking up multiple times throughout the night). I felt like I wasn't fueling my body the right way for enough energy to get through the day, let alone with the number of miles I wanted to run added on. So, after hearing of the success of another friend while working with Renee, I decided to give it a shot.

my first experience with overnight oats...
see, I can be healthy.

I'll write another post on what changes I've been making and the progress I've felt, but this post is about running goals. One of the first things Renee and I did was set (non running related) goals for myself over the course of the six month program. Each week she encourages me to review my goals and then we talk about them during our bi-weekly phone calls. She pointed out that reviewing my goals will keep them fresh in my mind, and more likely to be met. This got me thinking...didn't I set some running related goals for 2014? Oh yeah, I remember that. Since the year is already more than half gone (how the hell is that possible?!), I thought it would be a good idea to review those goals and see what progress I've made.

new goal: start taking off makeup before bed
so I don't look like this on every morning run.

2014 Goals

1. To be good to me body, so my body will be good to me. I'm learning this is an ongoing process. As I mentioned above, I have been working with a health coach, which directly relates to this goal. I have been learning how to be good to my body and what exactly that means. I have been feeling better overall, with more energy and getting more solid sleep. I am realizing this may not be a goal I can simply check off at the end of 2014 and mark as done. It's ongoing, but I am making progress.

When I first saw this picture, I though my thigh looks huge.
Then I looked a little longer and thought, I kind of like it.
While there will always be things about my body I'd like to change,
I am learning to appreciate it for what it is and what it does for me. 

2. Strength Train. Oh boy. This is such an ongoing battle. I realize the importance and the benefits. Why can't I get myself to do it?! This is a goal I also set with Renee that we have talked about during each session so far. When we talked two weeks ago, we set the goal of starting small and adding strength training once a week. I managed to do that. Kind of. It's been very minimal. Still working towards this one. 

Does lifting a bib count as strength training?
No? Glad we cleared that up.

3. To PR in every race distance I run this year. I realize this is a big goal. An even bigger goal now that it's already July. Let's see... I ran a half marathon in February. I did not PR, not even close. It was not pretty. I ran a 10k in April and PR'd, then ran another one in June and PR'd again. Check. I ran the Vermont City Marathon in May and did not PR. Again, not even close. I'll have another shot at the marathon in Philadelphia in November (super excited). I'll be aiming for a PR (and sub 4hrs) there for sure. I ran (my first) 5 mile race in June. Automatic PR...does that count? So, this goal is also still a work in progress. Coming up on the race calendar (so far) is a 5k this month, a 7 mile race in August, another shot at the half marathon in September, and the marathon in November. Time to do some work.

running my way towards a PR at the BAA 10K 

4. To run a sub 4hr marathon. See above. 

Continuing to review my goals will be an important part of achieving them. The expression out of sight, out of mind is very true for me, especially with how busy life can get. However, they are still very real and realistic. Time to prove it.

How are your 2014 goals coming along? 

BAA 10K

This morning I ran my first BAA race, the 10K. It was an absolutely beautiful sunny summer morning in Boston. I went to the race and ran it alone. I signed up a couple months ago because I wanted to do another 10K and running in Boston is something I love very much. It was a race a really wanted to do, even if it meant going solo.

BAA had mailed out bibs, and even though I informed them of my recent address change, I didn't receive mine before the race. So I left my house an hour an a half before the start so I could hopefully find a place to park and pick up a new bib. I was kind of bummed I didn't get to have my name on my bib, but I guess there could've been a lot worse things to happen. It took less than 20 minutes to get to the city (have I mentioned how much I love living here?!). I was planning to pay and park in a parking garage, but instead I scored a free spot on the street. I walked over to the common to get my bib and scope out the scene. There weren't many people there yet, so I took advantage, grabbed my tshirt and used the porta potty while there was no line. I still had about an hour to kill, so I figured I would walk back to my car and drop off most of my stuff. I wanted to keep moving my legs so they didn't get stiff.

Feeling like a tourist taking all the pictures. I just love Boston. 

walking down Commonwealth Ave,
my favorite street, and part of the course 

After dropping most of my stuff off, I went back to the common to check the rest of my gear, use the porta potty again, and get ready to line up at the start. Side note: finally a race with enough porta potties for the amount of people! 8,000 runners and I don't think I waited in line more than a minute. Well done, BAA. Shortly after I returned, there was an announcement that we should start lining up in the corral based on our projected paces. They had a pulsed start, where each different pace group started a couple of minutes apart. The 8:00 and under started at 8:03, and then the 8-9 min group at 8:07, and so on. There were actually people with ropes separating the different paces. I thought this was great, although of course not everyone complied. I had to dodge a few walkers within the first mile. 

my nameless bib

another view down Comm Ave
the course went down one side and back on the other

Leading up to this race I was pretty anxious for a couple of reasons. I didn't have the best of weeks last week. I was sick last weekend, missed a long run, and felt off while running for the first half of the week. Because of that I had no idea what to expect from this race, but I knew I would give it my all regardless. The second reason was that my favorite west coaster convinced me to run the race without my watch. While I enjoy some long runs without my garmin, I haven't raced without one in years. It scared the hell out of me. But I made a promise, and we agreed that this was the time to do it since I really didn't know what state my body would be in. I knew there would be clocks at every mile, but I didn't know at what time I crossed the starting line. I ran based on how my body felt, not constrained by the numbers on my watch. It was scary, but an eye opening experience.

We started on Charles St in between the common and the public garden, headed down Commonwealth Ave, passed Boston University, then up a couple (bigger than I was expecting) hills, did a U turn, and ran back on the other side of the road, finishing where we started. I loved it. I'm pretty sure this is the first race I have ran with elite runners leading the field. Stephen Sambu (27:25...holy crap!) of Kenya and Mamitu Daska (31:04...holy crap!) of Ethiopia both won for the second year in a row and ran the fastest times in the world this year. It was so fun seeing them on the other side of the road flying by me. Seeing their pain faces and realizing everyone hurts while running a race gave me the strength to keep pushing forward. 

The last mile was definitely a struggle. It was hot. I walked through a couple water stops to drink some water and dump some on my head. I reminded myself not to fight the pain but to embrace it. The last mile felt like forever. I kept pushing with everything I had at that point. When I crossed the finish line I saw 50:49 on the clock. I knew that wasn't my official time, but I had no idea how much under that I would be. I went in to this race originally hoping to finish under 49 minutes, but with the events of the week prior, I would have been happy with anything close to my PR at the time. I thought it would be close, but really I had no idea.

not the elusive unicorn medal,
but my first unicorn medal nonetheless 

After the race I wandered around for a bit looking for the results. I was told they would be posted online. I decided to go back to my car and attempt to change my clothes. Thanks to Ragnar Cape Cod, I am now a pro at stealthily changing in the car. I managed to do just that in the middle of Boston (sorry mom). I walked back to the common, watched the awards, and then wandered around the city for a while. I should mention I was also obsessively checking my phone to see if the results had been posted. They hadn't. 

this just never gets old (for me at least)

I finally made my way back home, and over 3 hrs after I finished running, the results were finally posted. Official result: 49:08 and a new PR! Naturally, my first instinct was to be annoyed I was so close to breaking 49 minutes and didn't. The walks through the water stops popped in to my head. If only I hadn't done this or that, or maybe I could have pushed a little more... But I had to stop myself. In all honestly, I wasn't expecting to PR today with the way I was feeling last weekend and throughout most of the week. I went out there and I ran as hard as I could, without a watch, and put my heart in to it. There were many places where I started to doubt myself and I felt like I wanted to walk or slow down more, and I didn't. I pushed myself. I honestly feel like I gave it all I had in that race... So really, what more could I have asked of myself today? I'd say the BAA 10K was a success and I'm proud of the way that I ran. 

a new 10k PR

On Sunday, April 6, I ran only my second 10k.  I've decided really love this distance and want to find more 10k's to run asap.  I'm pretty sure about an hour after the race I was already saying I want to run another one NOW.  I had been looking forward to this race because I ran it last year and, in all honesty, I was excited to try to beat my time.  I had a pretty disastrous first race  of 2014, so I was ready for redemption.  Training had been feeling much stronger lately than at the start of the year, and I was ready to give it my all.

The race didn't start until 1pm.  It's always strange not racing first thing in the morning, but I enjoyed knowing I could sleep without an alarm set, and being able to take my time getting ready.  Plus an added bonus was that my super speedy friend, Monica, on the west coast was also running a 10k that started at 10am.

10am west coast = 1pm east coast.  Perfect!

Sunday morning started just like any other race morning.  Get up, make coffee, make Nuun, sit on the couch, drink said coffee and Nuun, catch up on twitter, make breakfast consisting of a gluten free bagel w/ peanut butter, nutella, and a banana on top, sit on the couch some more, stretch, foam roll, and make multiple bathroom trips in between.  Around 11:45 I was ready to head to race with my chauffeur and head cheerleader, Ryan. 

<3

We headed out the door with what I thought was everything I needed.  I made the comment, I need to be there by 12:30 to get my number so...uh...step on it.  A few minutes later it hit me.  I forgot my watch.  Cue freakout.  OMG I forgot my watch, I need my watch, what am I going to do, tears, AHH.  Ryan was on it, we got off the highway, banged a u-turn and were on our way back.  I grabbed my watch and we were on our way again.  Deep breaths.  Ryan helped me calm down and refocus.  Everything would be fine.

We got to the race at exactly 12:30.  Ryan dropped me off so I could grab my number and he went to park the car.  I got my number, found Ryan, and had plenty of time to spare.  Few.  My mom and brother also came down to cheer me on.  We found them and it was time to go shortly after.  I lined up somewhere between the front and the middle of the pack.  There was a 5k and 10k option for this race (as well as walkers), so I was trying to decide where to go so I could pace myself for the 10k but also not get trapped somewhere in the back.  

 being weird as usual

I was really hoping to finish this race under 49 min.  I felt like I was capable (and still do).  I started out strong and on pace to finish where I had hoped.  I felt strong through the first half and was ready to fight for it.  Unfortunately, the last mile decided to give me a good kick in the butt.  The wind was strong and the hills slowly wore me down.  

Mile 1: 7:44

Mile 2: 7:50

Mile 3: 8:02

Mile 4: 7:56

Mile 5: 8:02

Mile 6: 8:16

Last 0.2: no idea, I forgot to stop my watch when I crossed finish line.  This is becoming a bad habit. 

I crossed the finish line at 49:32.  I didn't break 49 that day, but I did finish with a new PR.  

I think it's easier to be disappointed with yourself than it is to be proud.  Initially was I disappointed?  Sure.  I so wanted to cross that finish line and see 48:xx.  But I didn't.  Instead I saw 49:32, which was 17 seconds fast than last year.  Yes, I wanted more, but ultimately I wanted to run faster than I did last year, and I did.  I am proud of myself for that.  I am making progress, and I know I still have the potential to run faster.  

Some take aways from Sunday: 

• I didn't give up.  There was more than one time in that last mile or so that I wanted to stop.  I wanted to walk.  I was hurting.  Bad.  I didn't stop, I didn't give up, and I didn't walk.  I didn't finish it as fast as I had hoped, but I kept pushing even though I was in pain.  That in itself is a huge accomplishment for me. 
• I am not exactly in what I would consider the best shape.  I put on some lbs over the winter months that I am still struggling to get rid of.  Even with the added weight, I still managed to run faster than I did last year.
• Training over the past couple months has exactly been all rainbows and butterflies.  Only in the past few weeks have I really started to feel like myself again, which gives me hope that more good things are to come.  
• My average pace was 7:59.  If you had told me a year ago I would be running races of any distance with an average pace of 7:xx I probably wouldn't have believed you.  Now, my 5k and 10k PR average paces are under 8 min/mile.    
• I experienced a runners high on Sunday like I haven't felt in a while.  I walked away saying I love running and feeling like my race fire was re-ignited.  I felt like over the winter I lost it a little, but with the return of the warmer sunshine and a better race under my belt, my confidence and drive have been restored.

Most importantly, I must always remember this quote from Kara Goucher that I love so much and holds very true in this case.  "Don't try to rush progress.  Remember - a step forward, no matter how small, is a step in the right direction.  Keep believing."  

I am making progress, and I will keep believing that I can do great things.  

  

race time

Well, it's that time again!   Time to race.  On Sunday I will be running the Half at the Hamptons at Hampton Beach, NH.  I have never done this race before, so I'm excited to give it my best shot.  From the website, it is promised to be one of the flattest courses in New England with a total climb of 115ft. If you've spent any time running in New England, you know a flat race is hard to find.

This makes me very happy

The week-of-the-race anxiety has begun and I'm feeling a mix of emotions as race day approaches.  My goal for this race is to PR, which means crossing the finish line under 1:46:48.  My training lately has been going well and I've been feeling really strong in all the workouts.  I know I am capable, but I'm scared.  I'm scared because I know that means returning to that pain place, and not giving up when my mind starts to challenge my body.

When I PRed in the half marathon last May, I was ready, I was excited, and I was confident.  I felt the burn in my legs, the fatigue, and the struggle, but I didn't give up.  I was determined to cross that finish line under 1:50.  And I did.  Following that race, I struggled through the rest of 2013 to find that same fight and determination from start to finish of a half marathon.  Instead, when things got tough, I got frustrated and doubted myself.  I gave up.

Dove gets it.  I have to too.

This year I've already taken some pretty big steps to improve my health, my confidence, and learning how to believe in myself.  I'm ready to find that fight and determination once again.  I'm ready to see what these legs can do.  I'm ready to let go of the doubt.  I'm ready to race.

Truth.   

2014 Goals

I know I'm a little late to the 2014 goals/resolutions party.  But better late than never, right?!  I've never really been that big on setting resolutions.  Well, except to get in better shape, or lose x amount of pounds, or some other silly unattainable goal.  This year however, I think it's important to set some goals that revolve around running, and finally treating my body right.  So, without further adieu, here are some goals I've got for 2014.

1.  To be good to me body, so my body will be good to me.  For a long time, I was not good to my body.  I didn't treat it well at all.  I basically abused it and expected it to function properly.  Well, it doesn't work like that obviously, so this year will be a lot about learning how to fuel my body correctly, and respecting it for what it is.

better fueling = faster running 

2.  Strength train!  I despise going to the gym, but that doesn't mean I can't strength train.  I have a living room with plenty of floor space to get the job done.  Besides doing a plank a few times a week, I really don't do any kind of strength training.  I know it would help my running, as well as my overall fitness.  Time to get my butt in gear.

3.  To PR in every race distance I run this year.  I realize this is a pretty lofty goal, but I say it only because I really believe I can do it.  I have been putting in the hard work and saw many great improvements last year, as well as earned myself a new PR in every distance I ran.  I really feel like I still have a lot of room for improvement.  It's exciting, and scary at the same time.  But with the help of my coaches Stephanie and Ben Bruce, I am ready to see what my body is capable of.

4.  To run a sub-4 marathon.  Yes, this could also be included in the goal above because it would be a PR.  But I think it deserves it's own number.  I ran my second marathon in October and was hoping to finish under 4 hrs.  It didn't happen.  I've thought a lot about that race and what went wrong.  I absolutely believe I am capable of running 26.2 miles in less than 4 hours.  Especially if I stick to numbers 1 and 2 above.  

So that's that.  Reasonable, completely attainable goals for 2014.  I have a feeling this is going be a good year. 

Tell me, what are some goals you have for 2014?      

Jingle Bell Half

On Saturday, December 14, I ran the Jingle Bell Half Marathon in Atkinson, NH.  My friend, Lori, had asked me if I wanted to do it with her.  I was a little unsure about committing to a half marathon in December, in NH, but she had just committed to running the Vermont City Marathon with me in the spring, so I figured I owed her one.  The Jingle Bell Half would be my last race of 2013, and put an end to a long, but rewarding, year of racing.

As race day approached, I became more excited about having one more half marathon to finish out the year.  My training lately has been going great, and I've been seeing and feeling a lot of improvements.  I PR'd the half marathon in Boston at Boston's Run to Remember in May, but have struggled to finish close to that time since.  I only finished under 1:50 one other time this year recently, at the Seacoast Half Marathon in November.  I didn't verbalize a time goal for this race.  Most importantly, I just wanted to have fun and finish the year with a good memory.  But, in the back of my mind I know I was hoping to finish sub-1:50 and as close to my PR time as possible.

The week of the race, I did as most do, and began checking the weather forecast for Saturday.  Apparently Jack Frost wanted to remind us it was winter in NH.

I would have been happy if the temp had actually reached 15 degrees that day.  Instead, we were hit with 9 degrees at the start, and a balmy 12 degrees at the time of the finish.  It was cold.  Due to the weather, and the elevation chart I figured I should take a look at…

My goal for the race quickly turned in to:

Race morning began as most do.  Wake up, make coffee, drop a nuun tab in some water, check twitter, sit on the couch, eventually eat a gluten free bagel with peanut butter and jelly, then begin to get dressed and gather my race day essentials.  I dressed lightly for the hour ride to the race, but made sure to pack extra layers and a change of clothes for after so I didn't freeze on the ride home.  In case you're crazy like me, and end up running a half marathon in single digits…here's what worked for me: Oiselle new lesley tights, winona tank, 2 lux layers, and the flyer jacket.  I also wore a headband to cover my ears, gloves, and a neck warmer.  

Flyte tank instead of winona, and only one lux layer,
but these are my go-to layers to stay warm.

Thankfully, the race started (and finished) at the Atkinson Country Club.  This meant a warm room and bathrooms before the race, and motivation to run as fast as possible to return to the warmth after.  We stayed inside as long as possible, until we were told to get our butts to the starting line.  Ready or not, it was time to run.  

Lori and I staying warm for as long as possible

We gathered at the starting line somewhere around the middle of the pack.  We jumped up and down, did some last minute stretching, and thankfully after just a few minutes, it was time to go. 

This is my pretending to be excited face.

To my surprise, once we started running, I didn't feel as cold as I thought I was going to.  Again, thankfully, there was no wind, which helped make the cold somewhat bearable.  Lori was aiming for a PR and told me she was going to try to stick with me as long as possible.  When we started she took off and was in front of me for the first mile or two.  I didn't try to catch up to her, I've made that mistake in other races before.  I just tried to stay calm and run my own race.  Unfortunately, my Garmin was set on kilometers, which I didn't realize until I started running.  I decided to stop my watch, switch back to miles, and start it again at mile 1 so I would at least know what my pace was like.  So dumb.      

I don't remember much of the course.  It was mostly through residential areas.  There was a section that was on a main road, with cones along the right side of the road that we were supposed to stay inside of.  We basically had to run single file, which made it difficult to pass people.  I felt better than I had expected running up and down the rolling hills that were promised on this course.  Lori was now running right by my side, or slightly behind me until mile 8 or 9, which helped to push me forward.  It was around that time that my ears started to feel cold and I became very aware of just how cold it was.  Looking around, most people had frost on their headbands, hats, gloves, water bottles, and beards.  It was pretty funny actually, but also a constant reminder of how cold it was.  

At mile 8 I struggled to chew a shot block that was pretty frozen at that point.  So was the water I attempted to drink after.  I still felt good while running, but needed something to take my mind off the cold.  I pulled out my iPod and frozen ear buds and started listening to music that would carry me through the rest of the race.  The miles went by pretty quickly.  My face felt numb, but other than that I felt good.  I pulled up my neck warmer a few times to try to breath in to it and warm my face.  It worked for a couple minutes, but the cold air always found its way back in.  

Around mile 10 I started to pick up the pace a bit.  Since I didn't start my watch until the first mile, I wasn't really sure what my time was at that point, but I tried to figure it out based on what I thought I ran the first in.  I thought I would be close to a PR, and definitely sub-1:50 as long as nothing crazy happened.  I felt myself running faster with each mile…11…12…13.  I was passing people who had passed me earlier in the race.  As I climbed the last hill to the finish line I gave it all I had left.  

1:47:59…8:15 av pace.

Not quite a PR, but it is my second fastest half marathon time.  The course in Boston I PR'd on was the flattest half I've done, so given the elevation and the cold, this felt like a PR to me.  It was the perfect end to a year of racing.  

Side note: as I was typing this I tried to upload the data from my Garmin and it died (again).  I guess my splits are forever lost inside Garmin world.  Sad day.  

surprising myself

Earlier this year I ran my very first 5k on the 4th of July.  I didn't have any real expectations because I hadn't ran one before and I had no idea what to expect.  I was told they were brutal.  I knew I would be running hard for 3.1 miles, but beyond that I was pretty clueless.  I ran hard right from the start and crashed at the end.  I finished just under 24:00.  I actually enjoyed the race though and new I wanted to give it another shot.

I ran my second 5k in August and finished almost a minute faster at 23:01.  At the end of September I finished my third 5k in 22:19.  Obviously I was really excited to have finished each 5k faster than the last.  I never really thought I would enjoy running 5k's.  For some reason I had the mentality that if I was going to sign up for a race it should be a longer one.  Thankfully I decided to give the 5k thing a shot.  I think it's becoming one of my favorite distances to race (not just because of the improved times…although I'm sure that has a lot to do with it).

Thanksgiving day I ran my 4th 5k of the year.  I was super excited for this race because it was going to be my first Turkey Trot and I was planning to meet up with Stephanie before the race.  I met Stephanie at her dad's crossfit gym where they were staying warm before the start of the race.  It was around 25 degrees that day and super windy.  We weren't exactly excited about that, but we hoped it would help us run faster.  

The race started at 9, so about 15 minutes before the start we jogged over to stadium to line up.  I warmed up a little on the jog over, but was pretty cold again by the time the race started.  Stephanie and I talked about what I goals were.  I was hoping to PR, but I knew I wouldn't be too upset if I didn't given the conditions.  

My legs felt cold for the first mile to mile and a half.  I kept looking down at my watch and seeing numbers around 7:20-7:25.  I felt like I could run faster, but my cold legs had other plans.  Finally I started to warm up and settle in to a good pace.  I could feel myself getting faster as the race went on and started to believe maybe I could PR again.  When I saw the stadium I gave it my all to the finish.  We finished inside the stadium and ran the last .1 around the warning track in the outfield.  My feel felt like they were sliding all over the place and I felt like I instantly slowed down once I got in to the stadium.  I tried to keep running as fast as I could and crossed the finish line knowing it would be close. 

free race pictures?! hell yeah!

I crossed the finish at 22:04.  A new PR.  I was super excited.  I was even more excited when I looked at my splits and saw that my last, and fastest mile, was 6:58.  I couldn't believe it.  Never in a million years would I have thought I'd be able to run a mile under 7min.  It's been so much fun this year seeing all of my hard work paying off.  I'm usually pretty good at doubting my abilities.  So, it's been a surprise to me to see how much my 5k times have improved this year.  I really think I have more to give too, thanks to my amazing coach.  

Oh, and the best part?  Stephanie got herself a brand new PR too!  It was so much fun meeting her and I am looking forward to running again when she's back in NH for Christmas.  

picture stolen from Steph after the race

told to "do something crazy" and this is what you get. fail. 

Up next?  Jingle Bell Half Marathon on December 14th.  Fingers crossed it's not as cold and windy as it was on Thanksgiving!

two timer

This post is a little difficult for me to write.  I was hoping I could write all about how I crushed my goal and finished the United Healthcare Marathon in under 4 hrs.  I was hoping I could write about how I felt great and followed the plan.  I was hoping I could write about how excited and happy I am about finishing my second marathon.  Well, unfortunately, that is not the case.  I am happy I finished my second marathon.  I am happy that I reached my second goal of a new PR.  But there are many more things I am unhappy about, and unfortunately that is what's on my mind right now.  Usually I try to be positive about the result of a race whether I felt it was good or bad.  I know I am still learning and have a LOT to learn.  I know I still have a lot of growing to do as a runner.  I feel like I have a lot of potential.  But right now I'm having a hard time with falling short of my sub 4 hr marathon goal.  

Here's how the weekend went.  Saturday we headed down to RI around noon.  My boyfriend and I picked up my friend, Julie, who would be running her second half marathon as well.  The plan was to meet up with a couple of my other friends, who were also running the race, at the expo in Newport.  We got there around 2:30 and picked up our numbers.  The expo was in a tent right on the beach.  It was beautiful.  We played in the sand for a bit before making a trip to the grocery store.

a feather to match my shirt

After going to the grocery store, all 6 of us went over to my dad's house in Tiverton, where we were all staying.  He and my stepmom made a delicious pasta dinner for all of us.  We had some wine, hydrated, relaxed, and went to bed early.

At 4:30 am my alarm went off.  I didn't sleep well that night, so I had a little trouble getting my butt out of bed.  I always try to give myself plenty of time before the race to have coffee, wake up, and choke down some food.  Just before 7 we loaded up the cars and headed over the the marathon parking at Second Beach.  We had to take a bus over to the start of the race at Easton's Beach.  After visiting the porta-potties, we lined up and got ready to go.  My stomach was in knots.  I was super nervous but excited it was finally time.  

Monica, Beth, myself, and Julie before the start

My plan originally was to stay around 9 min/mile pace for the first part of the race.  If I felt good, then I would start to run a little faster.  However, my friend, Beth (who is typically MUCH faster than me) said she would run with me and help me reach my goal of sub 4 hrs.  She thought I was capable of finishing around 3:50, so planned to run around an 8:45 pace.  I went with it.  BIG MISTAKE.   

Through the first half of the race I felt pretty good.  My legs were burning a little, but there were a few hills, and I was hoping I would be able to recover.  I got caught up in the excitement, the people, and the amazing views.  Our paces ranged from 8:30-9 min.  I was feeling optimistic.  

One of the beautiful Newport beaches 

so many amazing views on the water

This race has a half marathon option.  Those doing the full and the half run the same course, and then those doing the full continue on.  We ran next to the finish line for the half.  We heard all the names being announced of those finishing.  We saw all the people cheering for those finishing the half and those cheering for the rest of us who were crazy enough to run another 13.1 miles.  Once we passed through this area and turned the corner for the second part of the course, my mind began to race.  I suddenly couldn't believe I had to run another 13.1 miles.  I wanted to turn around and be done.  My body felt tired, my stomach was nauseous, I had a lump in my throat, and I freaked out.  The words "I can't do this" actually left my mouth.  I started walking.  My mind and my body were not cooperating.  I really started to believe I might not actually finish this thing.  What the hell was happening to me?!      

Thankfully, Beth was there to keep me going.  She said some encouraging words and urged me to keep going.  I wanted to punch her in the face at the time, but was so grateful to have her there.  The next few miles I continued to walk/run and struggled to keep moving forward.  I thought of the quote I wear on my wrist from Kara Goucher, "A step forward, no matter how small, is a step in the right direction. Keep believing."  I kept moving forward.  

At this point, I think around mile 16, I told my friend to go ahead.  She was fully capable of finishing the way we had planned.  I didn't want to hold her back and knew I was going to struggle through the remaining 10+ miles.  She made me promise her I would finish the race no matter what.  I made that promise and then watched as she ran ahead in to the distance until I could no longer see her anymore.  I was crushed.  This wasn't how this race was supposed to go.  I was supposed to be running along side her and finishing the race next to her.  Once I came to terms with the fact that I wasn't going to finish under 4 hrs, I readjusted my plan and focused on my second goal of finishing with a new PR, which was still very much within reach.  

The last 10 miles weren't pretty, but I got through them.  I walked through each water stop and made sure to drink as much as I could.  I felt like I needed more fuel.  The shot blocks I had just weren't cutting it that day.  I needed something.  I grabbed a banana from one of the tables (what?!).  I drank some more water and gatorade and told myself to just keep moving forward.  My stomach was still hurting.  I questioned making a bathroom stop, but the thought of squatting in a porta-potty with how tired my legs were helped me make the decision not to.  The second half of the course had many more long, unforgiving hills than the first.  Running downhill started to become just as hard as running up.  I continued to make my way through the miles, very slowly.  It wasn't pretty.  

As I started to climb the last hill around mile 24 I tried to pick up the pace a little.  I started to picture all my friends and family at the finish line waiting for me.  I knew they all would be proud of me, even though I made them wait for me at the finish longer than planned.  Finally, I turned the corner just before mile 26 and saw the white tent at Easton's Beach.  I heard the cheers and the announcer announcing the names of those finishing, this time for the full marathon.  I felt my legs start to run faster.  I saw my family just before the last turn heading for the finish.  I turned the last corner and immediately heard the announcer say my name.  I saw my friends and my boyfriend all cheering for me.  I gave it all I had through the finish.  

 

giving it all I had

crossing the finish line

I finally crossed the finish line in 4 hours, 19 minutes, and 17 seconds.  A new PR by over 20 minutes.  I was very happy I didn't give up when I thought I was going to.  I fought through and finished the race, even though I knew my big goal was no longer in reach.  I won the battle with my mind when it told me I couldn't do it.  I am happy to say I have completed 2 marathons.  

Yesterday I felt ok about what happened.  I was upset obviously, but was happy I didn't give up.  Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't fall back to sleep because I couldn't stop thinking about the race and what happened.  I couldn't stop thinking about what could have happened if I had done it differently.  What could have happened if I stuck to my original plan and didn't run with my friend.  Today those thoughts have continued to run through my head.  I wish I had run my own race and followed MY plan.  My biggest fear was going out too fast, and not enjoying the later miles because of it.  My biggest fear became reality yesterday.  

Of course, with any disappointment, there can always me a million what ifs.  I've shed a few tears and am now trying to work through the disappointment and focus on the fact that I crossed the finish line over 20 min faster than I did when I ran my first marathon in 2007.  I think the hardest part is that I really believe I am capable of more, and I wasn't able to prove it yesterday.  

So, I didn't reach my big goal...now what?  Another marathon.  Disappointment is all part of the process.  I guess I can't win them all (although that would be pretty cool, huh?).  I'm giving myself a couple of days to be bummed and upset, and then it's time to move on and focus on the next.  Now I have a better understanding of what to do and what not to do.  I know I can get there.  It's just going to take a little longer than I had hoped.